"Phelps was born with a gift that his mother nurtured," says Drexler, an assistant professor of psychology at Cornell University's Weill Medical College in New York City.

Such mothers "don't hold them back," she says. "They encourage their talents, and drive and encourage independence and a sense of adventure."
--Single moms’ sons can succeed, new research shows, USAToday.com, August 28, 2008
 

"Add that insight to work by American academic Peggy Drexler, whose 2005 book Raising Boys Without Men contended that boys brought up without a man in the house in many respects outshine boys from two-parent homes, and you begin to wonder if conventional wisdom hasn't overstated the risks of raising kids alone. Peggy Drexler in Raising Boys Without Men writes "Society guardians have declared that single mothers are sending violent, drug-using hellions out into the world, all due to the combination of Mom's presence and Dad's absence." Drexler, a former gender scholar, now assistant professor of psychology at Cornell University in New York and a married mother of two, argues that it is poverty and other disadvantages associated with single parenthood that explains all those worrisome stats. "But the 16-year-old raising children without any support system and the middle-class mothers who have thought long and hard about having kids all get lumped together," she told North & South. In the US, the number of families headed by single mothers increased 25 per cent in the 1990's to more than 7.5 million. " There has been a fear that a boy left alone with Mom is going to be undermined, made into a sissy, that she won't be able to discipline him." The conventional wisdom I was trying to challenge [In Raising Boys] is a boy needs a man in the mother's bedroom to become a man, and that boys can't grow into good solid men without that."

Drexler tracked 32 boys over several years, some of whom were parented by a mother and father, some by solo mums and others by lesbian couples: "When I looked at single-mom and two-mom families, what I saw were boys who were very sophisticated psychologically, who had a lot of empathy for others, who understood they came from 'special families' and were really versed in how to deal with the some-unsympathetic environment.. Yes, they had a lot of challenges, but those helped them to be very strong boys.

"Whether they were doing better [than boys raised conventionally] wasn't the issue for me., it was that they were doing well in what was considered a compromising situation. And they were able to do that because of the parenting of their mothers."

Those mums according to Drexler were accepting, but also pushed their sons to pull their weight in the house. They talked often and creatively with their boys, drew them out. And they stayed engaged, defying the deeply inculcated notion, from Freud to Celia Lashlie, that as boys age their mothers need to "cut the cord".

A criticism leveled at Drexler is her sample group were women with all sorts of advantages. But she reiterates: "These were not rich women. They were educated, older women who had thought about having children. But they weren't so privileged that they stood out."
Drexler also rejects the assumption she is anti-male or keen to cast fathers in a negative light.

"I think it's very important for single-mothers to go out of their way to find men in the community or in the family who their boys can connect with on an ongoing basis. Boys do need men, The point is those men don't have to be sleeping in their mother's bedroom. "The number of times you eat dinner with your kids is more important than the number of parents at the table, or the gender or sexual orientation of the parent," she says. "It's about the quality of the parenting, how the boy is treated, whether his sense of masculinity is endorsed, and his sense of adventure is valued, the kind of emotional actions that go on in the family."
"Sailing Solo" North & South magazine (New Zealand), December 2007
 

Earlier this year, Peggy Drexler, a Cornell University psychology professor, took this position one step further in her book Raising Boys Without Men. She asserted that, all things being equal, boys often fare better without a male influence in the home. In the course of her research, Drexler followed a cohort of mostly middle-class boys, ages 5 to 9, from mother-only families, and charted their emotional and behavioural growth compared with boys from conventional mom-and-dad families. "I wanted to find out if sons can prosper through the power of mothers alone," she says. In the end, she decided that not only were they functional, they often outshone their more traditionally reared peers. "The boys in my study were not sissies or mama's boys," she says. "Nor did they compensate for the lack of a father figure by becoming overly aggressive. They were thoughtful communicators who were caring and sensitive, but they were just as willing to engage in boyish activities like skateboarding and roughhousing." Also, she says, they were remarkably resourceful in securing male role models in their extended families and communities. "It seemed clear that their essential boyishness was hard-wired."

Fatherlessness is not inherently problematic, says Drexler. The trouble, she points out, lies in the unfortunate reality that the average single mother has to contend with socio-economic factors -- namely poverty, gender discrimination and systemic racism -- that often prevent her from providing her children with the kind of support they may need. It is these factors, says Drexler, and not the absence of a male influence at home, that are most likely to determine a child's behaviour and performance. "Parenting is not anchored to gender," she says. "Parenting is either good or deficient, not male or female."
--"The Incredible Shrinking Dad: An old debate finds a new twist: fathers may not be essential after all", Mclean's (Canada), September 21, 2006.

"Peggy Drexler, Ph.D., author of Raising Boys Without Men: How Maverick Moms are Creating the Next Generation of Exceptional Men, studied a variety of families in which boys were being raised by women and found that many sons were 'the kind of boys who most women would want to marry.' Explains Drexler: 'These are the boys who are going to be willing to ask for directions, men who aren't brought up thinking they have to be right.' She says, though, that women have to be open to the inherent differences in boys. 'Men often take time to think things through. You don't have to keep drilling home the point in an argument or disagreement.'

In the face of a son's stony silence or seeming indifference, Drexler suggests you continually take the initiative to encourage communication and talk during mundane activities, such as running errands or doing chores. You don't have to take his silence as inevitable or permanent, she says. She even met one mom who played basketball with her son at the end of the day. 'It's not what she wanted -- she was tired -- but it was a time to talk,' says Drexler. 'She went out of her comfort zone to connect with her son.'"
--"Raising Boys to Be Good Husbands", Quick & Simple, February 7, 2006, pg. 26-27

Peggy Drexler, a psychology professor at Cornell University who studies single parenting, defines "the collective family." "They're the network of friends, family, colleagues and neighbors who serve in very important and ongoing ways," she says.
--"Calling on the village; Single parents build networks to help raise children", The News & Observer (Raleigh, North Carolina), August 23, 2005, Pg. E1

"Family structure has been shown to play no role in determining a child's sexual preference," says Peggy Drexler, Ph.D., assistant professor of psychology in psychiatry at the Weill Medical College of Cornell University and the author of Raising Boys Without Men. "The percentage of people raised in gay homes who are gay is the same as it is for those raised in heterosexual homes."

Drexler's research shows that gay parents go out of their way to find opposite-sex role models because this issues is so on their radar.

Drexler's ongoing study of boys raised in lesbian families and heterosexual families has found no gender-identity confusion in any of the kids.
--"I was Raised by Two Moms", Cosmopolitan, April 2005, pg. 154

The role women played in this war may have marked a watershed moment, noted Peggy Drexler . . .

Women have more options and more confidence to try nontraditional jobs in society, Drexler feels. And some find themselves needing to do so because they're heading the household, as family dynamics continue to change.

"This is our future. We can't go back."
--For moms in military, a special day; Long deployment left void now filled by hugs, smiles, The San Diego Union-Tribune, May 11, 2003, pg. B.1

"Mothers have become of interest in a literary way," says psychologist Peggy F. Drexler, a fellow at Stanford's Institute for Research on Women and Gender and the author of the upcoming book [Raising Boys Without Men] Citing such recent books as "The Hours" and "The Lovely Bones" as realistic portrayals of motherhood, Drexler credits the current wave of young writing moms to the popularity of the memoir as a format for women writers and to a reappraisal of motherhood in the feminist arena.

"Writers like Gore are saying, 'I'm creating my own world'," explains Drexler, "They're taking mothers out of the sort of Hallmark card and putting them in real life and really not being concerned about looking like a bad mother, and even being able to talk about feeling like a bad mother."
--Style & Culture; A mom makeover; Today's mothers are confessing to fallibility even as they display fierce love, Los Angeles Times, May 9, 2003, pg. E.23

And yes, "a mom-and-dad family works great -- providing it is working great," says Peggy Drexler, Ph.D., a research psychologist at Stanford University's Institute for Research on Women & Gender in Palo Alto, CA. "But it's not the only way to raise a healthy child."

But rituals don't have to come straight out of Leave it to Beaver, says Dr. Drexler. You can send the same message with a cuddle in a special chair the moment you walk in from work. And you'll find that kids cherish such traditions.
--Solo Parenting: Secrets of Success, Child, December-January 2003, pg. 137

. . . sons of lesbians, born through sperm donation, were compared with sons of heterosexual couples. The boys with two moms were just as likely as the others to be masculine sports fanatics. But they also cook, garden and "are very sensitive to their own and others' feelings. They're more androgynous," says San Francisco psychologist Peggy Drexler.
--Growing up with gay parents, USA Today, August 23, 2001, pg. 1D

Peggy Drexler, a psychologist in San Francisco, found that the sons of lesbian couples were more "willing to consider a wider range of sexual orientation for themselves at younger ages, and think in more creative and inventive ways of structuring a family."

Drexler said the fact that kids of gay parents are often teased contributes to strong character because they "develop strategies to deal with it. At a very young age these kids have to figure out who they are and who they are not," she said.
--When parents are gay, kids' reactions vary, The Seattle Times, August 9, 2001, pg. B.1

. . . Dr. Peggy F. Drexler, a psychologist in san Francisco, found that the sons of the lesbian couples were more willing "to entertain discussion about a broader range of sexual orientation," and more "fluid" in their definitions of masculine behavior.

"They went outside and threw the ball around," Dr. Drexler said, "but they also did cooking with their mother. They were kind of redefining gender roles because they have to deal with the complexities of their own families."

Still, she added: "These were very boyish boys. They were very confident about their boyishness. And the parents valued their maleness and encouraged it and admired it, which goes against the sort of myth that lesbians hate men and might undermine their sons' masculinity."
--A rainbow of differences in gays' children, The New York Times, July 17, 2001, pg. D.1

Many single parents teach their children that families take many forms: "Whoever loves you -- that's your family." But the desire for the other parent is an important wish, says Peggy Drexler, Ph.D., a research psychologist and scholar at Stanford University's Institute for Research on Women & Gender in Palo Alto, CA. And children need to feel that they can express their fantasies or desires without being discounted.
--"Don't I Have a Daddy?": How single parents can handle their children's tough questions about what makes a family, www.Child.com